


Black and Blues

by SuperFYB



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Halo Night, M for typical RvB language, dumb relationship stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperFYB/pseuds/SuperFYB
Summary: It's game night with the guys until Church gets an unexpected phone call.





	Black and Blues

Why the hell do I hang out with these people? he asked himself as Caboose complained loudly about how stupid Tucker was.

He'd been invited to Tucker's place for a 'hang sesh,' whatever the hell that meant. Running into Caboose while picking up snacks, he didn't have the heart to tell him to fuck off, so the imbecile tagged along with him. The exasperated look on Tucker's face when he opened the door and saw Caboose with him was enough to make it worth it though.

"If you don't want to be around him, then go somewhere else!" Church finally yelled after five minutes of obnoxious whining.

Caboose looked a little taken aback by Church's outburst. But his look of confusion was quickly replaced by his usual blank stare. "Tucker did it."

"Oh, would you shut up already?" Tucker griped. "You're giving me a migraine."

If he hadn't roomed with them in college, Church wondered if he would've ever been friends with them at all. Especially considering all the crap he put up with when they were around.

A retort from Caboose was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"'Bout time," he heard Tucker mutter as the dark-skinned man got up to get the door. "You're late," he scolded someone whom Church couldn't see.

A moment later a tall, blonde man entered the apartment, an open cardboard box in hands. "Why didn't you tell me Caboose was coming? I only brought three controllers!"

Church frowned. Of course Wash had been invited.

"Dude, it wasn't planned, trust me," Tucker replied, reentering the room after locking up. He gave Church another quick glare. "Plus, I think I have an extra laying around somewhere."

"Washingtub!" Caboose yelled, practically jumping out of his seat to wrap his arms around Wash.

"Hi, Caboose," Wash sighed, trying to shift the box to the side so he could pat Caboose on the back.

Church smirked at his awkwardness. "Hey, Wash."

"Church," the taller man replied in a rather less-than-excited manor.

"What'd you bring?" he asked, nodding to the box.

"Kirby Air Ride."

"Seriously?"

"Of course not! It's Halo. The hell'd you think I'd bring?"

"How the heck should I know," Church shrugged, "you're into all that hipster shit."

"In what way is Pokemon hipster?"

"It's meant for five year olds!"

"I was a nostalgic 90's kid! That makes it okay! And on another note, do you even know what 'hipster' means?"

"Oh my gosh, you are boring me to tears with this!" Tucker said, shoving Caboose away and grabbing the box out of Wash's arms.

"Like you're one to talk," Church chimed back. "Him and Caboose have been going at it ever since we got here," he explained to Wash.

"About that," Wash sat down next to Church, leaning in to keep the conversation on the down low, "What is he doing here, again?"

Church frowned at Wash's accusing gaze. "He ambushed me at the grocery store, okay? You know how it is: saying 'no' to Caboose is like kicking a puppy."

"What was he doing at the grocery store?"

"The fuck would I know?…Oh shit. Caboose!"

"Church!"

"Why were you at the store earlier?"

"Oh, Sheila had to pick up some dog food for Freckles. He ate all of his."

"Did you tell her you were coming with me?"

"…No?"

“Sonuva fuck! She's gonna kill me," Church huffed, pulling out his phone.

While he warily tried to explain to Sheila where Caboose went, Wash went to help Tucker set up the X-Box.

"Which one did you bring?" Tucker asked, pulling out the controllers.

"3 and Reach."

"What about ODST?" he questioned, a little offended.

"The only reason we play that is for Firefight, and you went and invited Church, who is probably the single worst player ever. Of all time."

Tucker remained upset, but couldn't help but agree. "He couldn't hit the side of a barn from three feet away."

"Exactly. Let's just stick to multiplayer where his ass getting kicked actually helps us."

The doorbell rang.

"For fuck’s sake, who else did you invite?" Church yelled from across the room.

Tucker pushed himself back to his feet and skipped over to the door. Swinging it open excitedly, he was greeted by—

"Donut!?"

"Oh, heeeyyy guys!"

Tucker snatched the pizzas away, looking Donut up and down. He wore a pink polo shirt tucked neatly into perfectly fitted jeans, a pristine pair of matching Vans hightops, and a black visor that only seemed to accentuate his impeccably sculpted golden locks. A little logo on his chest and visor advertised 'Sarge's Pizza.'

"What the hell are you doing delivering pizzas?" Tucker asked, still surprised.

"I finally got promoted from dishwasher!" Donut grinned proudly, showing off a set of disturbingly white teeth. Tucker could've sworn they were actually glistening.

"Good for you, man," Church, now off the phone with Sheila, replaced Tucker's spot at the door while the other man dropped the pizzas off on the table. "Grif and Simmons still working there?"

Donut sadly shook his head. "Nah, Grif was fired for calling a customer a really bad word, and Simmons got an engineering job at that paper factory downtown."

"No offense, dude," Tucker started as he returned to the door, money in hand, "But what are you still doing there? Sarge is freaking insane!"

Donut shrugged, "It pays the bills…well, some of them. But I've got that internship at Cece's still, and they'll be hiring new designers at the end of the year, so I've got my fingers crossed."

"I imagine there's not a lot of jobs out there looking for a fashion degree," Church thought aloud.

"It's a competitive industry," Donut agreed. "It just means I need to work harder to penetrate those barriers and push my way to the good spot!”

Tucker cringed.

Caboose had been in the bathroom, and only then saw Donut at the door. "Admiral Buttercrust!" he yelled excitedly, shoving Church and Tucker out of the way and wrapping his arms around the pink deliveryman. "What are you doing here?!" he asked, incredulously.

"Just delivering pizzas!" Donut answered just as excitedly while returning the embrace.

"I love pizza!"

"Would you look at that, all the Blues back together again!" Donut commented, smiling at the three.

Church shuddered, remembering all too well his color-coded college experience.

Tucker must have been feeling just as done with the conversation as he was, as he shoved the money into Donut's hand and said, "Well, it's been good seeing you, man. Catch you later?"

"Sure thing!" Donut happily responded, pocketing the cash.

Church dragged Caboose back inside while the larger man waved back to the pizza man. "Bye Donut!"

"See ya later, Caboose!"

And with that, Tucker shut the door. He and Church shared a sigh of relief. "You can come out now, Wash!"

Wash peeked his head out from Tucker's room. "Is he gone?" he asked nervously.

"Yes, he's gone."

Wash breathed out, rubbing the back of his neck.

"What's that about?" Church asked.

"He still feels bad for keying Donut's car."

"Dude, that was ages ago. Get the hell over it."

Wash frowned. "That was a bad time for me. I just don't like to be reminded of it."

Bad time for you my ass, Church thought. More like a bad time for everyone else.

Tucker set out plates as Church opened up the first box to inspect its contents. "Freaking supreme," he grumbled, closing the lid and setting it off to the side to reach the one below it. "Who likes Hawaiian?"

Wash pushed Church out of the way and took the entire pizza back to his spot on the couch.

Dreading what might await him in the final box, he lifted the covering slowly. Meatlovers with salami instead of pepperoni. "Aw man!" he grabbed Tucker by the neck and kissed the top of his head before pushing him away to focus on the masterpiece before him.

Tucker wiped off the spot as if Church had somehow given him cooties. "Yeah, yeah, I know I'm awesome." For once, Church didn't argue. He greedily grabbed a plate and loaded it with four slices.

Wash was already chowing down by the time the others reached the couch, Caboose sampling everyone else's pizzas.

"Why would anyone put pineapple on a pizza?" Church gave Wash a hard time.

"Says the man who doesn't eat pepperoni," Wash retorted.

"It's not that I won't eat it, salami's just a better pizza topping."

"According to whom? Because I think the rest of the world would disagree."

"Yeah, well the rest of the world's just a bunch of plebeian sheeple who don't know any better."

"What is a sheeple?" Caboose asked, confused.

"A mindless follower," Wash explained.

"Oh, like Tucker!"

"That's it!" Tucker exclaimed. "We're playing teams." He got scooted to the floor to put the disk in.

"What?! No!" Church whined, knowing they'd stick him with Caboose.

Even Caboose was upset by this. Church was easily the worst; they wouldn't stand a chance against Tucker and Wash combined. "That's not fair," he pouted.

"Yeah, well, I'm kinda tired of you insulting me all the time. So now me and Wash are gonna kick your ass in Halo."

After the first round ended 33 to -2, even Tucker started rethinking the teams. He and Wash might as well've been playing against thin air. Church was completely useless, and Caboose was notorious for killing his own teammates.

When the second game finished in similar fashion, Wash spoke up, "Even I have to admit, this is a little one-sided."

"Fine," Tucker sighed, "I'll play with Church." Wash was the best player in the room, but with Caboose's affinity for team kills, Tucker might just stand a chance. The third round ended in a slightly less skewed 15 to 9.

The night continued on that way, with frequent pizza and beer breaks. It was nearly one in the morning, and they were on their 12th round when Church felt his phone go off in his pocket. "Eh, shit. Sorry guys," he paused the game, causing a grumble from Tucker and a tired sigh from Wash. He checked the number and his face went pale.

Tucker knew that look. "Don't answer it, man," he warned.

Church just stared at the phone as it continued to vibrate. "I…" he hesitated before sliding his finger over the green. "Hello?"

His three companions watched on in silence. "Okay….Okay….Yeah, I'll be there," he spoke quietly into the receiver before hanging up. "I've gotta go," he told them.

Tucker followed him to the door. "Are you kidding me? You can't just leave!"

Church wordlessly grabbed his shoes and coat before calling over to Wash, "Can you take Caboose home?"

Wash frowned, but nodded.

"C'mon, dude, what could that bitch possibly need from you at this time of night?"

"Thanks for the pizza," he answered, exiting the apartment.

On his way down the stairs he called for a cab. He didn't feel drunk, but after four beers he knew he was a little too buzzed to drive. Five minutes later, the golden orange car arrived. "First and Border," he instructed the driver.

"Sure thing, boss," a lethargic voice replied.

"Wait, Grif?"

The driver turned around to see him. "Holy shit. Church?"

"What the hell are you doing driving a cab?!"

Grif shrugged, "Sarge finally fired me. 'Bout time, too. I've saved up enough stolen pepperoni to last me a lifetime."

Church shook his head, "I don’t believe this. It's like there's no escaping these people."

"What was that?"

"Can you just drive? Thanks."

"Whatever."

After ten minutes of awkward silence, Grif spoke up. "So…you dating Tex again?"

"What?! Why would you even think that?"

"C'mon dude. First and Border? Everyone knows that's where your old apartment was. And last I heard she'd moved back in."

"Yeah, well, no. Tex and I are not dating," he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest and leaning moodily against the back seat. "I'm not stupid enough to try that out twice."

"Meh," Grif gave him the benefit of the doubt on that one, but if push came to shove, he wouldn't put it past him. Church always did seem to have a weak spot for bitches. Probably some weird fetish that had something to do with his sister. Speaking of, "You still living with Carolina?"

Church wondered how the former red seemed to know so much about his life, but knew better than to ask. "Yes, I'm still living with 'Lina. You and Simmons?"

"Sort of. I mean, technically he kicked me out, but he's still letting me stay until I figure out a better money situation. Honestly, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He thinks I'm out job searching all day instead of actually working, so he's fronting all the bills and I get to pocket all my hard earned cash."

"That's…that's one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard actually."

Grif just shrugged. "It's not a perfect system. But it's ours."

"I'm serious though, that is messed up. Like, if I had Simmons's number, I would let him in on that shit."

"Soy la vie, I guess."

"I don't think that's right…"

"Whatever. So…what is going on with you and Tex?"

"There is nothing going on!" Church cried out, his voice raising an octave.

"You know, you say that…but we're still driving to her place. The way I see it, you can let me in on it now, or I can go through some back channels. Either way, I get what I want."

"Why the hell do you even care? Is gossip really that important to you?"

"Dude, I'm a cab driver. Gossip is the only thing I have left."

Church sighed. Why, of all the taxis in all the world, did he have to get this one? "Look, nothing's going on. For real. In fact, I haven't even heard from her in…let's just say it's been a while."

Grif listened intently, although his eyes stayed focused on the road. "So what? She called and you come running?"

"I don't know, man," Church rubbed his hand through his hair. "What else am I supposed to do?"

"I love how you're not even dating anymore and you're still fucking whipped."

"I'm not."

"Are too."

"Not!"

"Admit it!"

"NO!" Church shouted sternly. "Gah! Give it a rest already!"

"Fine." Grif pouted, and a thick silence resumed.

Before they knew it, the car was parked in front of the apartment complex. Church stared out the window, debating internally on whether or not he should go inside. After a few minutes, Grif spoke up, "Can I give you some advice?"

"That's rhetorical, isn't it?"

"You dumped this girl for a reason, Church. Is going up there really worth it?"

...

"…I can't…I can't not go up there, Grif," he answered quietly. "I don't know why she called me here, and yeah, I'm pissed as hell that she ruined Halo night…but…if there's even a chance that she needs me, just as a friend, just as…as another freaking human being, then I need to be there."

"She ruined Halo night? What a bitch."

Church shook his head, not helping but smile. "How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house. Or, you know, whatever."

"Thanks man."

"No problem. I'll wait out here for a few, just in case."

Church nodded another thank you and got out of the car. Gathering what little courage he had, he made his way up the old brick steps.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for stopping by!
> 
> When I first posted this on FanFiction.net, multiple readers asked me to 'finish the story,' and include what happens with Tex and Church; you know, explaining why she called him in the first place.
> 
> The problem with that, is that I don't know why she called him. I don't even really care, because that was never the point of this story. In RvB, one of the long-running themes of the show is that Church is hung up on Texas and cannot seem to let her go. I wanted to explore that idea in a more realistic, modern sort of setting. So, the reason Tex calls him is irrelevant. What matters, at least as far as I'm concerned, is that he'll always come running when she does.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think!


End file.
